"Don't let the pumpkin defeat you"

Conan Kriz broke the cutting board :)

Another emotional week! haha. Life, ya know what I mean!

But... I learned a lot and I'm grateful for the trials that I have overcome this week.

The title of this email... "Don't let the pumpkin defeat you." Let me further explain. Background: Mom sent me some super cute window clings that said "Happy Thanksgiving." I hadn't made time to do anything with them yet. My companion suggested we put them up. I agreed. We mistakenly put them on the wall. They stained the wall. We scrubbed the wall. The paint rubbed off and it looked terrible. I WAS SO UPSET. (haha) How could something sooooooooooooo trivial make such a big mess on the wall? I knew that they would stain the way after a long period of time, but after less than one day!? I was sooo bugged. I laid on the couch like a little pathetic baby all rolled up in a ball. I felt completely defeated. Running through my mind was every option of how I could have made any different decision to avoid that situation. I expressed my feelings to my companion. "I feel completely defeated." (By the way, this was at the END of the emotional week, and I felt like I couldn't take one more thing.)

My companion kept saying, "Don't let the pumpkin defeat you."

How true! How could I let something soooooo dumb take over my happiness, my sanity, and my overall well-being?! But I did and I really didn't care. I have learned a very important lesson from this. We cannot let the meanial things of life bring us down! There are so many things that could completely destroy our confidence in ourselves, in our families, and in the Lord. But none of those excuses are good enough. NONE of them!

Moving on... We got to talk to an 80 year old member of the church yesterday, who was a convert to the Church probably about 50 years prior. She was telling us some of the interactions she had with missionaries. It was so intriguing to me that she remembered so many details of these interactions. My favorite thing she said was, "It was not the missionaries that made me finally join the Church. It was the Book of Mormon." That is exactly what we love to hear! It is not about us! It is not about our personality, charisma, talent, or testimony. While of those things can help us be better advocates of the truthfulness of the gospel, those things ultimately do not matter. 

A sincere study of the Book of Mormon is what is going to change the lives of the people we are teaching. And if we can convey that truth to them effectively, it won't matter if we have 100 baptisms on our mission or 0. 

It has been an interesting stretch these last couple weeks. I have been admittedly been questioning my worth out here as a missionary. There are so many missionaries who know the scriptures way better than me, who have sacrificed more than me, who have had so many more baptisms than me. I often fall into the Satan's trap to compare myself to others, as I think we all often do. 

Discovering that I have my own potential and strengths has helped a lot with that. I seem to get overwhelmed with the mission culture of setting new goals and applying new concepts each and every time we meet, teach, or plan. Lately I have been trying to apply to grace and patience that the Lord has for me to myself. If I know that He loves and trusts me, than I know that I can be the missionary the Lord has intended for me to be.

Today marks the official day that tells me I only have three more months left on my mission. Is that crazy or what!? It has definitely inspired some self-reflection and pondering.

As you all are trying your best to seek and follow God's will for you, I will encourage you to seek His guidance in every aspect of your life. A member of the ward yesterday commented about how she prays before she reorganizes or decorates her house. It was so sweet. But the principle can apply to whatever is important to you.

I hope y'all have a fantastic week and remember how precious you are in the sight of God. :)